Alan Harper (Two and A Half Men) - Relationships - Judith

Judith

Judith is Alan's first wife and Jake's mother. She is generally portrayed as humorless, bitter, and hypocritical. Judith told Alan that the reason they were separating was because it was not working out, but then later told Alan that she had realized she was a lesbian, only to change her mind again later. While she sees herself as lonely and long suffering, Judith is actually quite cruel, spiteful, vindictive, irrational, unfriendly and selfish. According to Alan, Judith was a thin, scared, needy and neurotic mess with a strange eating disorder when he met her, and lived in the shadow of her more attractive popular sister. This could explain why she grew into such a bitter, angry, hate-filled person.

Alan and Judith met as teenagers and married young, though Charlie and "everybody else" advised Alan against marrying Judith. He lost his virginity to her during an Aerosmith song (from the episode "Who Is This Vod Kanockers?"). During the separation, Alan desperately tried to reunite with Judith, not realizing that the real reason she kept calling him and asking him to rush over was simply to keep him doing the chores he always did around their home. Judith clearly depises him and takes every chance to make his life miserable, even though it is sometimes clear that Alan and Judith still have feelings for each other. Once she said: "I disliked you when we were married, I resented you when we divorced, but I don't think I hated you until you started having sex with that gorgeous, 22-year-old dumbbell." Judith also felt sorry for Alan after his second divorce to Kandi, though she made it clear that she would not give him any breaks on alimony even if he had to pay that to Kandi as well. (She also arranged for the lawyer who decimated Alan in their divorce settlement to represent Kandi, though it appeared that Alan's financial losses there occurred before Kandi left him.) In a Season 5 episode, Alan begins dating a divorced woman who is friends with him and Judith, but keeps having visions of Judith and Herb having sexual intercourse, leading his date to say that he's not over Judith. Alan and Judith tried dating again in Season 3, which was after the divorce, but their attempts at intimacy were always interrupted by Jake approaching and Alan having to hide. Then when they finally had some uninterrupted time alone, Alan got upset because Judith had learned some "new moves." As they fight about this, Jake approaches and Alan jumps out the second-story window and lands in a thorny bush. At home, he finally realizes that he and Judith do not belong together.

Before the divorce, Alan actually thought he and Judith were on their way to reconciliation until he was served divorce papers in the mail.

One time (though it might have been intended as a joke to the audience), it was strongly implied that Jake might not be Alan's son, since he bears a strong resemblance to three long time acquaintances of Judith and Alan who were all in dead-end jobs (exterminator, water man and postman). While it was probably a joke, given Judith's attitude towards Alan, it's not an unlikely scenario. However given Jake's recent misfortunes with girls, he seems destined to have his father's luck.

Alan has even tried to be friends with Judith; however it was extremely difficult for him to be happy for the woman who ruined his life.

Judith has accused Alan of being controlling, but it's clear that she dominated the marriage while Alan bent over backwards trying to make her happy. Her relationships with her parents and sister are not much better; her mother is a longtime alcoholic and prescription pill abuser; she's called both parents "poison"; and she argues with her sister constantly. Judith has little tolerance for people she does not like; she was cruel to her future sister-in-law; and her first words whenever Alan comes to her house are either "What are you doing here?" or "I swear to God, you're worthless."

During the divorce proceedings, Alan had (and continues to) suffered greatly. He lost most of his possessions after Charlie slept with his attorney (Heather Locklear), then broke up with her, forcing him to fire her before the settlement could be finalized. When Judith hires her, she does everything in her power to crush Alan in the settlement (why Alan was bound to the grossly unfair terms that the attorney inflicted on him due to Charlie's behavior was never explained). Even after the divorce, Alan is constantly at Judith's mercy because of her powerful lawyer. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth As A Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan.

While Judith blames Alan and Charlie for a lot of Jake's shortcomings, she herself seems to have little faith in him and far less patience, as she takes any chance she can to drop him with Alan at Charlie's house.

In Season 6, Judith threw Herb out of their house and later slept with Alan, but their reconciliation ended when Alan realized Judith was the same angry, irrational person who had divorced him. Judith later told Alan that she and Herb were expecting a child, leaving a horrified Alan to think he might be the biological father. His fears were assuaged when Judith stated that Herb was the father and threatened to kill Alan if he revealed their affair. Judith does not like the fact that her daughter looks just like Alan, but Alan seems to enjoy pointing it out to her.

Despite saying she loves Herb, Judith seems to treat him in the same cruel and unfair way she treated Alan. Judith's parents seem to prefer Alan to Herb although Herb is a "real" doctor — but they also prefer Alan over Judith. Herb and Alan are great friends, but Judith disapproves, so Herb has to lie to her in order to hang out with Alan and/or Charlie. Over the course of the show, Alan and Judith's mutual hatred increases to the point that one will do anything to upset the other. When he could not afford a nice birthday present for his girlfriend Lyndsey, Alan stole earrings from Judith's house that he'd gotten for her when they were married, and after getting away with it, he decided to steal a nice necklace from Judith as well.

Recently, Judith has left Herb. She has yet to reappear.