Alan Harper (Two and A Half Men) - Cheapness

Cheapness

A major point of humor regarding Alan in the series is that he is notoriously cheap. Many of Charlie's insults and jibes at Alan were usually references to his incredible unwillingness to make the slightest expenditure. He gets his hair cut at a barber college, sneaks deviled eggs into the movies (which Charlie described the smell as "a big box of ass"), and constantly tries to avoid cheques in restaurants by going to the bathroom when it arrives, leading Charlie to call it "the little cheap bastard's room". In one episode Charlie joined him in the men's room to make sure he returns and pays his half of a check; Alan procrastinates for so long that their ladies and the check were picked up by Geraldo Rivera. He finds out in the same episode that Alan's constant scrounging was a result of him saving every spare dollar he had for his lonely future as "Old Alan," and he had accumulated over $5,000 in cash.

In later seasons his extreme tightness becomes even more apparent, despite the fact that his financial situation seems to have improved on paper (he no longer pays alimony, Evelyn pledged that she would cover all of the expenses if Jake miraculously got into college, and he remains a rent-free resident at the beach house), and the jokes about his stinginess become more frequent. In season 7 when Alan pays for a meal for himself, Jake and Charlie, Charlie is so astonished that he photographs the event on his iPhone and comments on Alan's wallet opening for the first time.

In one episode, while at the movies, Alan orders $25 worth of food for Jake, only to tell Charlie, that he "forgot" his wallet. This leads to an argument where Charlie complains that Alan said he would pay for parking, which he is unable to do, because he does not have his wallet. After a line builds up because of their arguing, Charlie agrees to pay the bill, as soon as Charlie brings out his wallet, Alan orders a bagel-dog to "make it an even 30.". In season 9, Alan does exactly the same thing to Walden when they go to the movies.

When Melissa refuses to return to Charlie's house after Chelsea calls her a tramp for sleeping with Charlie, Alan resorts to dogging as he refuses to pay for a hotel. Melissa leaves angrily to walk home, commenting that it was not far considering Alan did not want to waste gasoline. (Alan revealed in "I Found Your Mustache" that he fuels up with $3 worth of gas at a time.)

In the episode "Pie Hole, Herb" Charlie borrowed 38 dollars from Alan. Alan is so intent on getting every penny back that he resorts to stealing gasoline from Charlie's car. But since there was not enough gas in the tank, Alan points out that Charlie still owes him 24 dollars and 78 cents.

In "Sir Lancelot's Litter Box" Charlie bribes Alan at first with 20 dollars to make him shut up about his relationship with Chelsea, when he still wouldn't leave, Charlie gave him forty dollars to which Alan initially took but a few seconds later gave the money back until Charlie told he only gave back a twenty dollar bill instead of the forty.

In the season eight episode "Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup" when Charlie and Lyndsey were having a night chat Lindsey stated that Alan was too cheap to pay for a prostitute.

Another reason for Alan's cheapness is that his chiroparactic practice has not been consistently successful, mixing periods where he has a high volume of patients with times when he has none of them. When Alan learned that an old friend and colleague living in the same area had a thriving one-man chiropractic clinic, he decided to emulate him by raising money for an advertising campaign, but ended up running a Ponzi scheme where all of his ill-gotten gains went towards luxury items for himself.

If Alan sees that anything is on offer for free he is usually very quick to be interested. When Chelsea's father takes Charlie out for drinks and exclaims that he's buying within earshot of Alan he joins them despite not being invited initially. He also asks for Charlie to pay for drinks on his behalf when trying to charm a woman.

In Season 5's "Our Leather Gear is in the Guest Room," the episode begins with Alan and Jake coming home from clothes shopping, revealing that Alan buys Jake clothes that are far too big for him, saying that he will grow into them (believing that with Jake growing so much, regular clothes are a waste of money). Later in the episode, Alan and Charlie have a fight, resulting in Alan and Jake moving out. When they ask Evelyn if they can move in temporarily, Jake begins to say that Alan was too cheap for a hotel, before being interrupted by Alan.

In Season 8's "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Jake attempts to produce a volcano effect in his mouth by swallowing a Mentos candy after drinking a can of Diet Coke. Jake's friend, Eldridge, points out that the drink is not the official Coca-Cola brand, with Jake replying, "Yeah, my dad did the shopping."

In Season 9's "Thank You for the Intercourse", when Alan begins behaving like Charlie he tells Jake to take his girlfriend out to dinner as his treat, but only gives Jake one dollar. Later in that episode, Jake tells Walden that Alan is behaving so much like Charlie that the only thing left of him is his cheapness.

In Season 9 episode "A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes," Walden gives Alan his wedding ring made of rhodium, and Alan goes to a pawn shop to see how much it's worth. Alan doesn't sell it, even though it was worth at least seven digits as he asks the clerk if his price was the clerks phone number, out of respect for his friendship with Walden. When Walden throws it in the ocean, Alan waits for Walden to go back inside the house before diving into the ocean looking for it.

In Season 9's "Why We Gave Up Women", when it looks like Alan suffered a mild heart attack, he is taken to the hospital. When Walden tells the hospital receptionist that he wants Alan to have the best care possible and that he'll (Walden) cover it, the receptionist tells Walden, "You're gonna have to. This guy has the worst insurance policy I've ever seen. He's got a $500,000 deductible."

One of Alan's worst moments of cheapness happens during the episode "Why We Gave Up Women". As he was having a heart attack, and Walden had dropped one hundred dollars, he crawled to it as he was having the heart attack.